Saturday, May 20, 2006 . 3:15 PM

'Quotes' in my mind are ringing again and again. Whenever I thought of them, negative thoughts came to my mind as well. Nothing can turn me positive about these 'quotes'. So obviously, these 'quotes' are said by people directly to me or to people around me as well.

"People around you care about you"

"You should be lucky to be able to live in the 21st century"

"You should respect people"

"You should spare a thought for people around you"

"It is for your own good"

"You must study hard and get a good job in future"

"Dont talk to much in class and pay attention to your teacher"

"Another forgetful one"

Well, some of them arent really quotes that I was talking about, but I was reminded of those that I didnt really bother about. Those quotes that I hated seemed to have disappeared from my mind, so whatever.

*****

So whats the use of saying all that. I was going to spend less time on it, but what you have done and what she have said only made me want to rebel. EVEN MORE. You know I dont like to follow orders like I was supposed to. When you command me to do one thing, you know I would do another, or do it wrongly. Yes I am like that and NOTHING can change me.

I love the way it is now. I dont stay up till two three on the morning nowadays, even though I could have done that and spend the time on useful stuff instead of flipping and turning in my bed, not able to sleep. Even if I get to bed as early as 9, I wouldnt fall asleep till about 1 to 2 in the morning. I look at the clock above me.......10.....still 11....12 already.......zzz.....

You see....you dont understand me. You just dont. You tried but they were unsuccessful. There is just nothing you can do about this I guess, if not it wouldnt be like this now. Now I get why tv programmes and movies always focused on these kind of messeges to be brought to everyone.

To rebel or not to rebel. Well, it is not those kind of rebellions that I'm staging. I have been rebelling in case you dont know. They are just not obvious. I dont do things that are either. To prove I can actually do well, I shall study hard. It is not because of you. If you have never done such thing, perhaps I would work harder, maybe. I dont like people telling me what to do. Not when I disliked doing something.

When I wanted you to be with me, you were almost never there. When I want to be alone, you would be there. How irritating it that. How I wish we can be like last time. It is impossible. Both of you just dont understand.

It is such a pleasant scene of a couple bringing their little one out. To be together for dinner, just to shop, or even buying things for the young one. It seems to show that the little one is so fortunate. It just shows how innocent they are, listening to whatever was told to them, and lead a happy life until they finally start to go into life. They learn about life, what they are going on in life.

Till then, it will always be happy. When you know too much, you will start to get stressed and become depressed. How sad is life. Life is always unfair. Nothing is perfect in life. No happy endings or what-so-ever. Everything's too good to be true.

*****

There is no reason I should obey what you have told me. I believe there is no reason. What you have said only made the situation worse. No more shall I say.

*****

It's fun twisting the phrasing of a sentence I realised. Keeping my self contented with what I have is what I'm trying to do here. To make me feel better, despite of what had happened, is wht can keep me going to achieve my goals. Believing in myself is important.

Shall say no more. Tired of this world. What Three Sciences + One Humanity.......Electives.......SICK.

Opened my eyes and found myself in heaven. What a warm welcome.