Sunday, May 23, 2010 . 1:33 PM

Instead of practicing gp related stuff, I was sorting out the worksheets and tidying my table -_-. I can't start studying until I have sorted them out properly haha. Yes, being anal =/. Now my cupboard is neat as I have cleared the O lvls related stuff and put in place of them the A lvl ones lol. I felt like a dust collector. As I swept dust off all the worksheets and assessment books, they seemed to cling on me. Burh.

Now I feel worn out and am tired and too warm to start doing gp hahaha. Shall take a short break before starting =/. Don't have much time. And can't believe I missed another buffet T_T. Today's another of my nephew's one year bdae T_T. Sianz. Yu fang bring her son there too boo =(. Asked mum to bring back some food for me but I seriously wonder what time will she be home -_-. Most likely she'll be stuck there playing majong again. Sad life~

Opinions change when you see things in other perspectives. Even looks constitutes to changes. We may be superficial but the first impression is really usually the one that's left deep inside. On the other hand, it is still the inner qualities that really matter. To me at least.

Happy together hahaha. Hate waiting for subbbbbbbbbbbbs. Hahamong's done though argh! GeePee!

Saturday, May 22, 2010 . 2:14 AM

It's late yet I don't feel like sleeping, perhaps due to the long afternoon nap. Finally finished chem spa and yay no more practical exams ever!(unless I go into a science uni course in future). It was hard trying to stay awake during tutorials in the warm classroom today. Past few days were cooler cause it rained, but today was really humid and hot generally.Good thing was math supp was cancelled so I actually had a looooong afternn nap. Got home, bathed and slept till 7pm. I din even eat lunch.

Woke up and watched tv as I ate my dinner. Read mag, news and the rest of the time was spent on kpop. I even forgot that there is musicbank today>.<. Haha if I continue with kpop stuff there'll be no end to it~

Was thinking if not for kpop, I might not have started reading news again. I tried reading news everyday at the beginning of the year, but it subsequently died. Then when S. Korea's warship went down, I found out about it as musicbank,music core, inkigayo and mnet were all cancelled. Plus top went for the funeral of the 46sailors. Thus, I went to read about it. From then on, I kept up to date with that news and later on subscribed to the economist and bbc on twitter so that I would know whats happening around the world everyday. (Oh but I wont know any sg news unless my mum tells me abt them>.<). So I guess its a good thing this led me to read news again haha. Of course I only read those news I am interested in, so that I wont feel like reading news is a burden to me.

Reading isn't good enough. I need to generate (good) ideas as well as write well. How do I do that? As the saying goes 'practice makes perfect', but is that really enough? And how much practice must I do to achieve the desired outcome? P(getting desired outcome) not = 1...

Okay I shouldn't think about it too much. Actions speak louder than words, so I might as well just get down to doing the work. Not now of course. I need my beauty sleep. Plus I'm going to popular to get stuff for the june holidays hoho. And maybe get an album >.<. Nights!

Thursday, May 20, 2010 . 10:17 PM

I think GD is very cute. He is as easily amused as me xD Sometimes we don't realise how some simple actions of ours can affect others around us. We will never realise it...unless another party lets us know. Yet we may not still accept what others say as we do not think so.

Emotionally stable huh? Does quick moodswings count as being emotionally unstable? -_-. Little things irritate me, such as the bad weather. Pmsing soon.

On a good note, I finished my X ~ B and started on Y ~ Po.

Went popular just now to get correction fluid and some other stationary. Saw Big Bang and Beast's albums. Soooooo tempted to get them, especially the Beast one because I like all 10 of their songs =/. I prefer Big Bang's korean songs, but all of their albums are equally great =D! Just that it's almost impossible for me to get all of their albums -_-. Beast's is once and for all cos their two mini albums are combined into one haha. Arrrrrr. Save up!

Bang Book looks super nice too! Gosh. Okay must exercise self-control. I don't want to really start spending all my money on idol products >.<.

Okayy I shall go study for chem spa and go sleep. Tired.

Sunday, May 16, 2010 . 5:26 PM

Was having a good chat with dear jasmine yesterday night. Talking about how we worry as A levels draws nearer and nearer. She has gone through her fair share of worrying and pushing herself harder towards her goal. Now, she's in the midst of deciding which course to go to. (Guess what, she couldn't get into medicine despite getting 5 straight As =O)

She mentioned that I seemed to be as worried as her last year, if not more, yet I am not pushing myself hard at this point of time. This makes me wonder why actions don't go along with the words that we claim. And of course, why am I not pushing myself hard (yet)? Is it because tests are not A levels? Is it because I think I still have time? Is is because I don't have the sense of urgency(which doesn't make sense to me in any way)? Or is it that I don't care if I do well or not? I have no answer to this currently.

Makes me think of why I want to study hard and review my initial reasons and goals to achieve good grades. Let me list some reasons to remind myself if I ever read this post again:
- I used to like learning/studying, and I do well naturally (I swear I don't go the extra mile to mug)
- I used to want to become the first, if not, one of the best in the class. This was until I reached pri 3 and deemed it impossible cos I dropped to below 10th place ever since and did not have the motivation of trying hard -_-
- I want to be independent in future
- I want to go to the uni for my parents (both of them din have the chance to)
- I want to earn lots of money to compensate what I have no ability to buy now
- I want to give my parents a good life in future

I think the above are more than enough to drive me towards my goal. But why aren't they working? -sulks- There are many reasons to why I am not pushing myself hard but I don't want to list them down.

Dear CL, you have to focus, focus, focus! Focus on what's ahead. Do not turn back. Never.

Saturday, May 15, 2010 . 1:33 PM

Woke up to a 'sian' day. It's just a feelings I get that I don't feel like doing anything. From just now till now, I still feel like sleeping even though I have slept for 11hours already. Must be due to the lack of sleep during the weekdays.

How can I do well for anything if this always happens? Even if I were to study right now, all of it will be in vain as nothing would be going into my head. Our society really focuses too much on statistics. It destroys the original meaning of learning. Why do we have to learn? It's to gain more knowledge, but for what when all that we've learnt won't be used in the future. Of course, its the fun of learning that lets us continue to do that. I used to enjoy learning when I was young, because I was always curious, asking why and how. I think my mum hates it when I kept asking her questions that she couldn't answer, giving me the answer 'you'll find out when you grow up.' However, I don't 'find out' the answers or rather, I am not interested to do that anymore. The pressure generated from 'learning' just deters me from wanting to learn. Now all we do is just for the sake of doing them. All pointless.

I ask myself, 'what do I really want?' I cannot find the satisfactory answer. I don't know what I want to do in future nor have any idea what's in stall for me in future. A great-aunt saw potential in me and told me '你要用功读书，以后当个女强人，不必依赖任何人。' I thought of earning big money to give my parents and myself a good life in future. My dad works so hard just to earn enough for the family. Because he didn't have the chance to undergo much education as being the oldest son, he had to go work when he was in pri6 to help with earning money for the family. Why did people want to give birth to so many children when they cannot afford it. How stupid. Because of lousy family planning, children are deprived of education and when they are older, they suffer. On the other hand, those given the opportunity to study did not ultilise it, doing rubbish when they grow up.

Why am I even thinking of such things again now. All I have to do and must do is just to study hard. However, there are also tons of things that deters me from doing so. Argh. I hate life at times.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 . 9:52 PM

I am so glad I actually stayed in school to do work today. Hadn't plan to do so, but stayed anyway, with qi in LC while waiting for amy to go eat at old airport road =). Now gotten home, I feel like thinking about things, reading kpop news and doing anything except homework that I should be doing.

Much has happened just within, let's see...13hours? I really want to say everything out here but I don't like letting people know about certain feelings I have. Yet, I rather put it out here on my blog than a private diary or maybe a locked blog. Hmm, contradicting but yeah that's how I am. Furthermore, I think I have many things to say yet I don't know how to express them well. Come to think of it, I am never good at expressing myself through words cause I know not the words to use nor have the abundance of vocabulary.

Then again, something I thought about today, friendships are really important to me. I may not be able to do everything for my friends, but I will do it to the best I can. And if you know me, I can be a bothersome and annoying person, finding you and making sure you are alright. And hmm, the want and need to know about things that are kept from me at the same time too. Glad the great friends I have can stand me, in a way. Somehow I have this faith that my friends will be there for me too. I think I'll be sad if I find out the truth is otherwise...

Sigh qi just reminded me that after this year, all of us will go on our separate ways. It is especially difficult to keep in contact and see each other if people are going overseas. I wonder if it'll be like what happens when we enter secondary school. I am afraid so. Losing touch with the better friends in the past isn't a very good thing. Then again, it just goes to show who are the ones that are truely your good friends. So, another faith I'm putting here. Good friends will always keep in touch, no matter what.

It is weird that somehow, I just want to be there for people. It's true that I'll put my feelings into others' matters and think in a way as if I am involved in such matters. I think I do that far too often. Then again, if I don't care, I wouldn't do that, would I? Just like when seungri tells taeyang his troubles (which he himself doesn't remember), taeyang would think about it and give his opinion on how to handle the problem another day (by then seungri would be thinking 'did I tell him that?'). Similarities =D.

I didn't think that I would have so much to blog. I admire many people. Those who are able to let out their feelings truthfully, expressing themselves well. Those who know what they want. Those who speak up for themselves. When can I become someone like that? At least to know the direction I want to go in life. Lost at a crossroad.

Ohnoes, heated discussion again. Round no. 371982730821538538271098372198738921738921

Thursday, May 06, 2010 . 8:56 PM

The last of bio spa down and one more spa to go! Gogo, must finish chem on a good note too!

Today's chem test was really horrible and I am not the only one who felt that way haha. They just had to put it right after our bio spa, hadn't they? =O

Most of us just weighed the importance and looked after the interests of our A lvls. Hmm, maybe could have studied better, but my brain just couldn't take it. I felt rarh after the chem test. It's like someone used a vacuum cleaner to suck out my brain or something -__-. Honestly, I think it's due to the cramming of all information possible into the small brain of mine. I haven't memorised something so well in ages, especially not more than 2 sentences! Feels proud of myself yet not at the same time. Can be better! And I really need to put this skill to good use in future.

Much of the stuff we learn need to utilise the memory power of our brain.

Haven't turned on my com at all yesterday and news flooded my twitter lol. So many things are happening around the world now.

And mum, being the irritating part of her now, is ignoring me once again. I have no idea why -_-. Annoying.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010 . 9:17 PM

Highlight of the day:

I would think it's a good movie, but obviously the first one was still better lol. Cos the plot now is kinda expected - some guy tries to create another iron man to beat Tony Stark and so obviously fails hahaha. There were anticipation in certain parts though. This time his good partner helped with fighting the bad guys directly...okay you can find out the rest by yourself =D!

Oh and I thought she's cool xD Typical heroine yeah?

Monday, May 03, 2010 . 3:01 PM

Okay I succumbed to the temptation of turning on my com to listen to korean songs as I do my work. Didn't want to cos I saw all the interesting kpop news when I used my phone to go twitter =x. I figured those alone would be distracting enough haha!

Many people blog less or don't blog anymore, but I still go take a look almost everyday. Guess its a habit already =/. I don't blog that often as well cos I thought the time could be better used for studying etc. Haha, doesn't work that way, I realised -_-.

Oh wells, at least I am not stressed out now. Though I can't manage my time that well yet, at least things are going quite well. Been slacking quite a lot recently even though there's quite a lot of things coming up. Scary stuff such as Bio and Chem SPA and GP ct =/.

Hmm don't really remember what I have been doing since last week -_-. Let me try to recall. Still had to chiong for the last part of bcc for the week. (Tue) Ate lunch with yian eve qi bens zj amy trish on yian's bdae. Oh and thu was a happy day I remembered! When bcc and all the mock spas were over, I felt relaxed from that day. Supposed to do math but bens and I din feel like it so we zj and amy went student lounge to play scrabble and pictionary lol. We were super noisy -_-. Went macs cos someone wants to eat corn. Friday was another slack day - teoheng with nick bens simin. Amy and zj din come in the end -_-. They have Shero and wo ai yu ye hua! But don't have liang ge ren de huang dao and ai shang ni T_T. They have added lots of korean songs too I think =O.

I want to learn jap and korean!

Hehe ytd had dinner at manpuku and had yummy vanilla ice cream again! <3

Okay shall go do work =/. And study chem!