Friday, August 11, 2006 . 7:43 PM

I feel that my life kinda suck now, and the times that I am really happy are the times I am alone, doing my favourite stuff, or with the people I really favour. It really seems to me so. I am kinda down, as you would look at it but I feel worse then normally when I am down.

Life in school is not bad, but I am starting to hate it....I have no idea why. I do have the feeling of not being wanted or welcomed in some way, by some people. The worse is being critisized and unable to control the anger in me. Times are really different between four years ago and now or last year...total differences.

Well, I was like above the clouds a few days ago and now its otherwise. Now life is really very bad and worse thing is I am going to have the worse November/December holidays EVER this year...oh and not forgeting the next year and the year after and so on and on and on. Suddenly there would be no chalet and later on they wanted to book. When I came home my mum told me they decided not to book now, in order to save money. "Oh we can always go to your uncle's house and bbq!" What shit is this? Am I a primary school kid or what. I dont go chalet just for the bbq HELLO. I enjoy it as an annual family gathering thing with my cousins, to go have fun together! Go escape or www, whatever, just enjoy being together and the chalet environment, aircon and EVERYTHING there. It will be so boring at the house, with NOTHING to do except majong, bored tv games I have been playing since p4 and what, tv? Do you think I'm for it? NO.

So this year, I'll be spending the "chalet times" with my seniors then, also not forgeting my squad mates and juniors. I feel like they are just substitutes and I feel bad. I am so not going to enjoy myself. So many people are not going to stay overnight either. At first I understood their reasons, I mean I do, but comparing to last year and the other squads, ours seem so extremely unenthu. Last year huibin joanne those enthu people still stayed overnight can....yet now....

Things do change fast eh, dont you think? Feelings do too.

I shouldnt suspect people especially those close to me, but I cant help it. Oh well, zzz I have nothing to say.

I dont understand people nowadays, no idea why. Perhaps the more intelligent people are more difficult to understand. I hate it. Not being to understand people, the feeling is like undescribeable. zzz. I am tired...seriously tired. I dont know when I can become normal again. Perhaps a miracle can happen tomorrow...oh sure...yz's going for chalet issent she?

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She actually looked at the people in the middle column and sort of raised her eyebrow at someone when cher talked about the situation OMG. I have no idea who was she looking at, definitely not me, but it was like saying "there, told you so" and its a bit seductive. Of course it wasnt to mean that, but it does look like. And I think I know what she was trying to say. Of course I do. Its so obvious.

That was something that scared and a little disgusted me....

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So much for the day. Yeah so well, see you on Sunday. I am one of the more enthu people kay, I am gonna stay overnight....and will be playing the CSI game if more people playing. Yeah yeah...how wonderful it is. Right. Goodbye then.