Thursday, February 19, 2009 . 10:52 PM
Very many emo posts since beginning of this year. Cannot really help it. Everyone's very stressed out by every single thing that's happening, affecting and influencing them. Also, I believe the big steps we are taking affects us too. Coming to SH is a big step, a huge difference between JH and SH can be seen, if not felt, by everyone. We take time to adapt to these changes, its just a matter of taking a shorter time or a longer one, and of course, grats to those who takes a shorter time.Everyone has a "depressed" side of them and anything can trigger them to suffer from very low mood all the time, what is known as depression. Not very good at phrasing sentences and stuff but I think you should get what I mean. Anyway, didnt really wanted to blog but really cant take it. Feeling very sian and really need to do sth to release myself from all these "sufferings". It may not completely relief me but it does help, and a lot.
I dont know how many people still read my blog, cos its been stagnant and all and thrs not much taggies either. Sorry lonely blog, I'm here to blog now...
Maybe I have been feeling rather lonely...I dont know why but I just get the feeling of becoming more and more distant to every single person other than my parents maybe, and maybe getting closer to certain ppl like michelle cos we've been close during pri sch and now we still can crap and everything. Its really fun and happy chatting with you =D (hey, must be honoured okay! haha!)
Ask me how I can be happy when I am now in an emo mood? I am happy during certain times, hanging out with people, doing stuff with people, doing stuff I enjoy, talking to people and all, but I feel that I am not truly happy. The happiness is there but not really in depth maybe? Recalling the old times, throughout my life (all those that I can remember), those happy times seemed to be really happy. When being a young, ignorant and naive kid, you know nothing much and can really enjoy yourself. Even though there were times that were stressful and all, nothing can beat the present. Maybe it helps to be able to think critically, but it really sucks to be unhappy. I mean knowing more lets you become more intelligent, yet the opportunity cost is your happiness? Yeah seems like it to me right now.
Anyways, there's lots of stuff I would very much like to express here but I dont wanna spend too much time here cos I want to get my beauty sleep too. Weekdays are really tiring. Long school hours can kill when exposed long-term. I dont know if I made good choices but there's no turning back I guess.
Class. Change of classes meaning change of classmates, teachers and friends(?), but of course some classmates may go to the same class as you. People who used to hang out with each other may not hang out with each other anymore. Why so? I dont know. Maybe its a good thing, to get to know more people better and things like that, but it may also go to show another way. Haha, not really refering to anyone, but think about it, such things happen and people may feel different way about it.
Last time, people wait for one another. I dont know if its cos we were close as a class, good friends or nice people, but now this trait is not really seen anymore. And I find that not only things have changed, even people might have changed too. I mean, who doesnt right? But some may be quite obvious. Maybe they want a change in environment or what, its really up to them, so no one can say anything.
We are all high achievers, or we want to be high achievers. We have a high standard of ourselves, most people in this school are anyway, and thus lead to more changes. People tend to be super busy. Hmm, I have to admit I myself am under this category, and this is one of the choices I dont know if I made the correct one or not. Therefore, my point is, this is also one of the reason people are getting distant I guess, or maybe to me.
I dont know what to say and how to continue, cos I'll just spout out all the nonsensical emo shits I'm thinking about now and its not gonna help much. Maybe I havent tried hard enough. Now my thoughts are all pessimistic ones. Since the start of this year, I am becoming a pessimist and it sucks. I want life to be like last time, though its never gonna happen. Self-denial. Been in low moods for long time, without being truly happy for any time. Okay maybe yes, for a super short period, but now, back to this again. Thus, I suspect I am depressed LOL. Okay, I dont know about that la, but yeah its all stress and stress and stress.
I might say that I hate the world but there are still things in the world to be appreciated, tons and tons of them, so I am not saying it. (But I just said it) Then again, I hate being a human being. Being an animal would be much better, but there's a lot of animals I want to be, such as an eagle/hawk, so that I can sore through the skies and see the nice and wonderful parts of the world that I am sure I will appreciate, a whale/dolphin so that I can swim without really getting tired and I can see things in the deep blue ocean. I am sure the ocean is a beautiful place when there's no pollution. I also want to be an animal that live in the cold winter, like at antartica, cos I can be cool all the time, since I hate the heat and I can adapt in cold weathers so I will survive thr!
Ahh so many animals are wonderful. But I only want to be those that are more powerful =/. I am in need of feeling powerful hahaha! What a long post. Didnt expect it to be so long. Just wanted to fa xie so I will not feel so vexed about every single thing I am unhappy about. I have high demands in things and not a very easy person to please. A complicated person.
Argh there's still so much to talk about, but I dont feel like "shouting" anymore. Shall go sleep soon. Cyas! Oh and I am not gonna check if there's any typos due to unexpectedly long post, so please forgive me.
