Sunday, May 16, 2010 . 5:26 PM

Was having a good chat with dear jasmine yesterday night. Talking about how we worry as A levels draws nearer and nearer. She has gone through her fair share of worrying and pushing herself harder towards her goal. Now, she's in the midst of deciding which course to go to. (Guess what, she couldn't get into medicine despite getting 5 straight As =O)

She mentioned that I seemed to be as worried as her last year, if not more, yet I am not pushing myself hard at this point of time. This makes me wonder why actions don't go along with the words that we claim. And of course, why am I not pushing myself hard (yet)? Is it because tests are not A levels? Is it because I think I still have time? Is is because I don't have the sense of urgency(which doesn't make sense to me in any way)? Or is it that I don't care if I do well or not? I have no answer to this currently.

Makes me think of why I want to study hard and review my initial reasons and goals to achieve good grades. Let me list some reasons to remind myself if I ever read this post again:
- I used to like learning/studying, and I do well naturally (I swear I don't go the extra mile to mug)
- I used to want to become the first, if not, one of the best in the class. This was until I reached pri 3 and deemed it impossible cos I dropped to below 10th place ever since and did not have the motivation of trying hard -_-
- I want to be independent in future
- I want to go to the uni for my parents (both of them din have the chance to)
- I want to earn lots of money to compensate what I have no ability to buy now
- I want to give my parents a good life in future

I think the above are more than enough to drive me towards my goal. But why aren't they working? -sulks- There are many reasons to why I am not pushing myself hard but I don't want to list them down.

Dear CL, you have to focus, focus, focus! Focus on what's ahead. Do not turn back. Never.